Recent dreams

I've had a couple of vivid dreams in the last week that I've been meaning to document. The first two occurred while I was out at the farm - I find my dreaming is always more clear and memorable there. Perhaps its because of the utter darkness, or the quiet (wait, the dog barks all night, so it's not that quiet!), or just because I relax more there. In any case, here's the scoop:

• The first dream takes place in some kind of bizarre Las Vegas-style setting. Here's the premise: Princess Di didn't die - she's alive and well and married and has another child (a daughter). The dream follows the new family on vacation. She's had to tone down her lavish lifestyle in order to maintain the illusion of being beyond the grave, but Vegas is always safe (she can claim to be a look-alike there). She and her new husband and daughter are riding in a gondola in "Little Venice", and the unofficial secret service are watching her (unofficial, of course, because she's supposed to be dead). There's a lot of swooping around (and I'm suddenly in the same gondola as the family), and then there's fireworks. Later, we are trapped in stone tunnels beneath a school, for no paticular reason.
• The second dream features Bob Hope (apparently I had a real thing for dead celebrities last weekend!). He's looking like the Bob Hope of the 70s, as opposed to the guy we saw in his last years - funny, biting. Bob was doing his stand-up schtick, although the details of the rest of the dream were kind of fuzzy. Since I hadn't thought of Bob since his passing, I had to scratch my head over this one.
• The last dream features someone I've often dreamed about, mostly when I need a reason to feel bad about myself! I went to school with the minister's daughter and she was often held up as the epitome of perfection (grace, intelligence, musical skill, etc., etc.). I haven't seen her in years but on Sunday I heard both that she's recently had her third child (congrats!), and that her father remarried. That's why I think I dreamed about her. She was, as always, perfect, in that annoying way people are when you're dissatisfied with some aspect of your own life. In this case, she was berating me for my poor financial habits (this dream happened after a recent meeting with a financial advisor).

Hmmm... I lost a lot of detail in the telling. I'll work on that for future editions, and try not to wait so long between event and sharing!

Thoughts on antique maternity...

There's been a hue and cry of late concerning the 66 year old Romanian woman who has become a mom for the first time. Much has been made of her age, and many have been outraged at her and at the medical community that enabled the birth.

I'm of two minds on the subject. On the one hand, my small-l liberal, feminist side tells me that if her body was capable of sustaining the "miracle" of birth, she has every right to give it a go, that to protest against an aged mother not being able to nurture her child is a blatant hypocrisy when the media celebrates every 80 year old man who gets it up long enough to impregnate a trophy wife. After recently running afoul of my own beliefs about gender roles in child-rearing, I wouldn't want to assume that she is the only one capable of raising that child.

Yes, she will die before her child is an adult. Big deal. So do many young, healthy parents. The vagaries of fortune dictate that some will die of illness, some will die of malice, some will die by accident, and some will be swept to sea by the wrath of mother nature. This is fact. We operate every single day on the assumption that we will live forever; if we didn't, we wouldn't be able to leave the house in the morning (not that that would save us - most accidents happen at home). In any case, people die, whether they are young and strong or old and weak. Being a parent won't change that.

I won't belabour the obvious point that her child could also predecease her, a victim of any of the many reasons a child may die young. However, I think that a realist will point out that none of us knows what tomorrow may bring. A prudent parent plans for his or her own mortality, recognizing that life has many twists and turns, and a good plan beats cock-eyed optimism any day. If the woman has planned for her future (and, as she's been bombarded by doom-and-gloomers, she has), she already has a good friend or family member waiting in the wings to step in should it become necessary.

I don't want to make light of the pain her child will feel upon her mother's demise - it'll hurt like hell. The death of a loved one always does. However, fear of pain is not the way to live life (unless your lower back hurts like mine does - then fear of pain is the only way to live!). To forgo having a child, in order to save that child future pain, is foolish. Parents inflict pain on their children all the time, in the form of corporal punishment, mind games, and piano recitals.

The other, right-wing, knee-jerk side asks 'what was she thinking?!' She's not likely to see the child live to adulthood, and the risks she took with the child's development by reproducing at that age are fearsome to contemplate (how many times have 40-ish women been warned of the developmental problems they risk because they chose to wait?).

It's one thing to risk dying before a child (after all, every soppy '80s-era movie of the week featured some young woman forgoing chemo in order to have a child, an act that shortened her own life, and usually left her mother and doctor teary-eyed at her bravery), it's another to play Russion roulette with its health. Yet, how different is that action from all the doctors on the evening news, trumpeting their success at keeping some miniscule preemie baby alive, regardless of the problems it may encounter later in life.

See what I mean? The issues are extremely complex. Just because technology allows us to do something (give birth in our 60s, clone sheep, genetically modify our food) doesn't mean we should do it. However, it doesn't mean we shouldn't do it, either (aggressive cancer treatments, in vitro fertilization, computer animated cartoons).

Nor should we assume that, just because something has been done and paraded in the media as a triumph, we get a say in the matter. Why should we assume we have the right to comment on this woman's private decision? In a culture that values individual choice, as long as it doesn't come at the expense of one's neighbour, exactly when did this woman invite us to criticize her choice? When did she stand up and say "make an example of me - base policy around my decision - feel free to tell me exactly what you think of my choices"? We're all fired-up on privacy rights, yet you can bet people have sent this woman letters of support and letters denouncing her every move.

Being a young mom doesn't make you a good mom, nor does being an old mom make you a bad one. How many grannies out there are raising their grandchildren right now? How many are trying to figure out what the difference is--they, at least, were spared the trauma of birth, but in every other way that matters, Big Mama, Nana, Gramma, Gran, Bubba and MeeMaw are mothering children 50 or 60 years their junior, and no one says boo. Then again, none of them are on TV...

Bottom line for me: just because one woman has made a choice that we don't agree with doesn't mean that a) others will follow in her footsteps, or b) we have to create an entire field of study and branch of policy around the act. Let's not make such a huge deal out of this situation that it will cause a lot of nutcases to crawl out of the woodwork and try the same thing, but at a more advanced age, in order to get their slice of the limelight. After all, getting a group discount on diapers is no reason to have a baby.

Thoughts and things

• American Idol has started again. I try to avoid it like the plague upon our planet that it is, but unless you cease watching/reading/listening to the news, eschew coffee at work, and run from co-workers, it's impossible to completely avoid. I found an interesting article that appears to address the first few episodes of American Idol - the weeks when all you see are the William Hung's of America: those who can't sing, can't dance, and have no stage presence (the triple threats). The article is posted on the American Psychological Association's website, entitled Why we overestimate our competence. Apparently, the worse you are at something in our culture, the more deluded you are about your real ability.
• Caught another stunning episode of Lost last night. I'd say that I'm starting to figure a few things out, but I'm sure that I'm just over-estimating my cognitive abilities!
• Haven't started on the dream journal yet - my dreams of late have been fragmented and not at all narrative in nature. Perhaps it has something to do with the jellybeans I've been consuming while reading in bed every night? Time will tell, as the jellybeans are now history!
• Haven't read much of anything of interest lately. Finished the first in a sci-fi trilogy called Slaves of the Volcano God. It kind of put me off reading the other two books (Bride of Slime Monster and Revenge of the Fluffy Bunnies). The premise was interesting - the movies of the 30's onward were set in real worlds, where movie logic prevailed (for instance, you will always get to your destination faster while singing a cowboy song). As movies started to become more "realistic", these worlds started losing cohesion and breaking down, allowing characters to start moving from movie world to movie world (imagine Tarzan on a pirate ship). Sigh. I enjoyed the author's more straightforward scifi, such as Dragon Sleeping, which, now that I think about it, has a similar sense of disconnection from the "real" world.
• And, speaking of dragons and fantasy, I've picked up but haven't finished reading the final books in The Banned and The Banished series (aka the Wit'ch books) by James Clemens. Pick them up if you get a chance.

Just when you thought it was safe...

• Just when you thought you'd seen it all, along comes Darth Tater - a Mr. Potato Head in dark lord drag. While I mock, you must realize that I'll also think seriously about adding this to my birthday wish list...
• Richard Hatch (Survivor's season 1 winner - aka fat, naked gay guy) pleads guilty to tax evasion (what kind of an idiot fails to declare the million dollars that most of the country saw him win??)
• Here's my weekly commentary on this season's Amazing Race:

  Ding dong! The witch is dead! And with her, the creepy, underwear-exposing, lunatic-raving monkey. Yes, Johnathan and Victoria are gone!
  
  I had a feeling this would be a good episode. Not just because my sister called me right as it started to tell me who would be voted out. I watched Bolo thump his head on the doorframe of the plane, and had to giggle shamelessly.
  
  I did rant and throw pillows when Kendra opined first on travelling to Ethiopia ('we just were in a 3rd world country and now we have to go back...*sneer*'), and then made like a REALLY ugly American when she landed ('I guess they just choose to live in poverty').
  
  However, I giggled when Victoria hurt herself (especially after seeing the miniscule boo-boo on her finger). I chortled when Adam hiked miles out of his way and then freaked out when realizing that he'd screwed up. I guffawed when Lori knelt before the priest in the church (she can't pronounce Nice correctly, but nothing is going to stop her and her fake chest from showing respect in church!).
  
  But what really made me roll on the floor was watching J&V bicker all the way to the farmer, only to find out that they were too clueless to read the clue! From the moment they turned around and hiked back to the donkeys, I was rubbing my hands in anticipation of the look on Phil's face when he FINALLY got to punt them.
  
  All in all, it was a great episode. Adam and Rebecca melted down...again. What else is new?

• In other news - I've been meaning to post this for awhile. Johnny Incognito, a great punk band based in Calgary, has a great little website. Of particular interest is the lead singer (Big Ugly Jim). In another incarnation, he was an instructor, and he writes for a number of interesting zines. Check out the "Big Ugly World" link for some of his political articles/rants.
• Worked out last night with Kelly, thus getting Mick off my back. Did a mile, which was good. Got a blister, which wasn't. Foots hurt, but I'm trying to convince self that it's a good pain. Self is not buying it yet. Might need to feed self some chocolate to get back on its good side. Will be going to gym tomorrow and Friday, thus completing my commitment of 3 visits per week. Yesterday, discovered that the commitment was for 6 weeks. Self demanded (and received) a post-work-out burger in consolation. Brain pointed out the futility of working out only to eat a burger, but shut up when body reminded brain that working out at all was brain's idea, and that body was more than willing to park on couch and watch reality television. Brain piped down but is now quietly plotting to work up a good anxiety attack that will immediately punish colon.

What's going on - Jan. 14

Things have been fairly busy for me lately, thus the dearth of new postings (I read and obey, frazzled!). In any case, here's some stuff that's been happening:

• One of my favourite CBC columnists, Jocelyn Hainesworth, has parted ways with the mother corp, and has started her own blog. I came late to her writing, but have become entranced by her spot-on descriptions of farm life and all its trials and tribulations.
• The cast of the new Survivor has been announced. Those of you who read along know of my recent, unfortunate addiction to mocking this show. Speaking of mock-worthy, I caught the first episode of the weirdest competition ever: Wickedly Perfect. I was floored when a contestant won a truck for her creation of a cocout-coated carmel apple invitation. It was cute and all, but damn! Missed it this week, and that's probably "a good thing" ;).
• This bizarre clip landed in my inbox this week *shudder*. I was taken completely off-guard...stunts and special effects combine to create a truly creepy couple seconds of film.
• As a Cancer, I'm always looking back at where I've been. Here's a great review of the year that was...from the American perspective.

What's going on - Jan. 5

• I'm baaaaaack! I know you missed me. I spent a lovely week or so at the farm, avoiding the frosty outdoors as much as possible. I did, however, make time for some reading, in between watching disaster coverage (for a wonderfully pointed review of Canada's response, read the lovely words of Rex Murphy. The man knows how to write - it's always such a pleasure to read his columns or watch him commentate on the CBC). A brief sampling: "It is an axiom of this world that the worst things happen in the poorest places to people in the weakest circumstances."
• A wonderful book that took me away from tragedy in the last few weeks: American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Brilliant premise, sparse, compelling narration, a real treat. Read the review at Amazon.
• One of my resolutions this year was to start a dream journal. Those of you who know me know that my dreams are oft-bizarre concoctions that stick with me for years (my high school friends might remember the weird dream of the double-amputee gopher, tooling down the highway in a mini wheelchair). I've not yet decided if I'll post the journal here, or create a separate blog to house them. Time will tell...
• Had lunch with a colleague and found myself tripping over my old-fashioned notions. Her husband has taken time off to raise their new-born son, as he did when their daughter was born. In this case, she took only a short leave, to coordinate with the maternity leave of another member of her team. I found myself listening to stories about how her husband spends his time and caught myself wanting to ask what her contribution to the new child was. What a bizarre notion - I fully support parental leave, and think the world might be a different/better/more interesting place if more men decided to take on early parental responsibilities. Yet, when faced with this very plan in action, seeing that it works very well for both of them, I found myself surprised and almost disappointed in her willingness to step away from the hands-on parenting of the first year. This, when many moms I know couldn't wait to return to the workforce - sure, they were guilty being away from their babies, but they were going nuts at home with no one to talk to, decreased family income, and expectations that they'd suddenly turn into Martha Stewart. I guess the lesson for me here was that I should dust off my ideals a bit more frequently, so they aren't so rusty when I see them in action.