All across the alien-nation...

Read a fantastic article this morning that piqued my interest in a lot of ways. If you are of my vintage it might ring some bells for you too.

Growing up, my mom was considered to be one of the "cool" moms. This may have something to do with the fact that she's less than 20 years older than I am (a few of my friends had siblings who went to school with her). But more than that, she had a young attitude and outlook on life. She listened to some of the popular music of the day, we dressed about the same, which amounted to sorta-preppy-but-with-jeans, and you didn't have to worry about getting in trouble for swearing in front of her (though if you dropped the H-bomb, watch out). My friends were envious, because their moms were all about good nutrition and making your beds and wearing a nice pearl necklace and watching Phil Donahue and not staying up late to watch Saturday Night Live. Don't get me started on how radically different she is from that person most of the time these days.

But still. She was cool. I basked in the glory when she took JAG and me to see Best Little Whorehouse in Texas while we were in junior high. I don't think she was trying to be cool; she just found her outlook on life coinciding with mine. It was a purely serendipitous thing.

The trend discussed in this article: Up With Grups - The Ascendant Breed of Grown-Ups Who Are Redefining Adulthood in New York Magazine is rather different. The author talks about people my age still working the whole youth vibe and attempting to mold their kids into teeny Ramones-wearing, Killers-listening mini-me's.

Now, I've long argued to anyone who will sit and listen that having children means that you get to re-parent yourself. You reinforce in your parenting all the things your folks did "right" in your opinion, and use it as an opportunity to "fix" the stuff they screwed up. They didn't take you anywhere as a kid? Well, your kid will learn how to travel! Your parents forced you to go to church? Well, your kid will learn about world religions and decide for herself which path to follow! That sort of thing. Nevermind that your kid gets seasick and would welcome the structure of conventional religion - it's not really about them, and what do they know anyway?

Okay, I over-simplify. But the article talks about parents who are so concerned about losing their cool that they've swung miles from what we understand parenthood to be about. Sure, your dad might have worked a soul-sucking job in order to provide stability and opportunities for you to play little league and go to college one day. Not you! No, you're never going to give up the things that make you passionate! You're going to skateboard or be a gamer or eschew suits and wear sneakers to work forever! Which, okay, are all good goals, but tend to keep you in the mindset that says I'm not really a grown-up, I'm still young! I'm hip! And it doesn't matter that I'm now completely responsible for the lives of these small people - I can still follow my passion and be hip and not change in any way from the person I was at 20. Go me!

Okay...I'm conflicted on the whole subject. I was a student for 200 years, so I stayed in the twilight of youth for a lot longer than many of my contemporaries. And I get how seductive it is, to be unfettered, to reject the stifling strictures of traditional adulthood that demand that things are no longer all about you. But still - to be the kind of parent that chases after cool to the exclusion of providing a model that a child could aspire to? Doesn't that seem a bit short-sighted? Sure, your cool-quotient among your kids' friends is high, but when does it end? Are you going to be a senior-citizen still playing shooting games and schlepping around the house in skater togs?

I know, I know. I over-generalize, and since I don't have kids of mine own, I over-simplify, and probably offend. I like to think I'd be a kinda-cool mom, the kind that didn't lay down so many rules that my kids were forced out of the house. On the other hand, I like to think that I'd still instill respect for old people and animals and teach responsibility and that sometimes you have to do stuff you don't like to do because that stuff still needs to get done.

I get that following your passion is important. I sometimes wonder how I ended up where I am, where I cut-n-paste for a living instead of working a much lower-paying gig that impacts peoples' lives. I just found other ways to do that, and enjoy the paycheque, too. I guess I'm more about balance than passion. Or perhaps I burnt out on passion while a student and a quiet non-trendy life now looks a lot better to me.

Wow...I wandered all over the map with this one. I guess I'll blame Hollywood and the PR machine that says that the only valuable culture out there is youth (not entirely true - the other valuable cultures are 'old, rich white guy' and 'celebrity'... yeah, that's about it). There are no good, solid adult role models out there. Being an adult means being uncool, and being uncool is only useful as a foil for how cool everyone should be. Hey - if we all end up cool, does that mean that uncool will become the new cool, like 30 is the new 20 and auburn is the new blonde?