A promise to my sister: Amazing Race - bye-bye-bye

It's truly uncanny how Leah always seems to end up picking the losers. Truly. This time, she didn't even lay a hand on the draw slips and *still* managed to select the losing team. That's some kind of spooky voodoo, right there. Nothing personal, Leah, but if we ever end up on airplane together, heading from Australia to the US, well, you need to sit in the tail - far, far away from me. I'll just sit next to the cute doctor and the scruffy bad boy. Er... perhaps I digress a bit.

Anyway - it was a great opener to what appears to be a much better season than the last (could it have been worse?). The teams are easy enough to label and some of them kindly named themselves so we wouldn't get them confused with any of the other, better looking teams (burn!). Because I'm a geek with a bad memory, I made note of some of the moments and dialogue that made me laugh out loud. This short recap turned into an epic, but it's not like you slackers were working, anyway, right? Right? Wait, just me? Oops...

Glamazons/Frosties/Cougars: not only did they Indian leg-wrestle in their promo, they bedazzled! And used the phrase "unsheath our womanhood" which kind of creeped me out, although made me think, too, in an anthropological/biological way, just what they hell they were talking about unsheathing. I'm not even going to talk about the whole 'I'm peeing in my pants' which came, interestingly (?) enough on the heels of 'my panties are falling down', which followed 'did you fart?' 'I think it's the city!'. Sigh. I was kinda-sorta hoping that these two wouldn't make it past leg one (sorry Leanne!) because their screaming was starting to drill a hole in my brain.

Hippies: put on your pants, it's time to dance! Okay - I love these guys. I was prepared not to like them, mostly because the short guy reminds me of Harry Shearer in Spinal Tap drag. However, they've got this whole joie de vive thing going on, so it's hard not to embrace them. They even thought the two chuckleheads (Eric/Jeremy) were good guys, even as said chuckleheads were dissing them at every opportunity. Dude - where's my frilly shirt?! Cate may very well be the big weeener this season.

Nerds: I LOVE this team! You have to respect anyone who embraces their inner nerd on (inter)national television. They remind me of half the people I worked with at IBM - nerdish and funny. And they have their own handshake! Too funny! And they say stuff like 'oh, mylanta!' when distressed. And giggle. And hold hands. And they've had the best editing so far - no major melt-downs and kissy-facing whenever they get a chance. I think that the other teams are going to want to help them as the series continues, and so Jessica has a real shot at making big bucks.

Lake and puddle: my team. Sigh. The man thinks he's intense, but he's really just annoying. They can't read, first of all, and how many times have we seen that reading EVERYTHING is a big help in this show. The chuckleheads kinda clarified why I was so creeped out by Lake when they described him as Scott Peterson (I really don't want to like the chuckleheads, but sometimes they are on the money). I don't think they'll win, but I'm willing to bet they'll make top-5.

Yo, Ray: I laughed out loud at the introduction between Ray and Lake: 'I'm Lake, like the ocean.' 'Oh...I'm Ray...like the sun.' Too funny! I was waiting for Ray's head to 'splode during the whole bike-building thing (that was a challenge from hell, right there) as all the local dudes made goo-goo eyes and construction-site noises at Yo (that's what I'll be calling her now). But he held it together and crossed the mat with his dignity. I don't see that lasting: they've dated 5 years and have never spent any significant time together? And they thought that a race around the world would be a good trial run? Oh, mylanta! Sorry, Ryan, you haven't got a ray of hope...like the sun.

Double Ds/Pinks: They just make it too easy to mock. I LOVED that they attempted the bike-building thing with the sole strategy of: we'll kiss some locals and make them do all the dirty work. Still, it was a strategy that has worked in other places. Although I will belittle them for the duration of their time on this show (please, God, not long!), I had to give them credit for a few things. First, they worked their main strength: cleavage. And the loud pink colour means they can easily locate each other in a crowd. Oh, and at least one spoke another language, which certainly can't hurt. Still, I have to say that Leah probably won't make it toooo far with this team, either. Sorry about that.

Chuckleheads: We want to be rich, but we don't want to work at it. Truer words. They are a bit mean-spirited, but funny with it, so I like them, but feel guilty about it. It's all good. Love how they hit on the Double-Ds right away (and loved how the girls were all, like, 'as if!'). Their strategy of not (over)thinking anything seemed to pay off this time, and they won money, so that's good. It was interesting to compare their activities on the race to the hippies', who embraced everything with references to James Bond and teeth scratching. Yeah, I didn't get that, either. Mick probably won't be collecting the cash this season. But at least he can play 'count the piercings', so ... silver linings, right?

Oh, Meredith: Sure, they aren't as annoying as that team, but nearly as clueless. If you're looking for a clue box, and can't find it, even when you've been told it's there by lots of people, including the teams that are now burning past you, here's a hint: watch the cameraman! S/he spotted it right away and zoomed in helpfully so we could see where it was, and stopped and swung the camera so we could see how they'd walked past it, and... you get the idea. I loved how they tried to build a bike without knowing helpful little things, like what an engine is. I'm not saying that's a key component to assembling a bike, but it could be helpful. I'm just sayin'. Their joy at not being booted was clear, but I have to suggest Chris brace himself for the inevitable. If thinking is their secret weapon, well, you fill in the joke here.

Chickitas: What can you say about W/D. They're excitable, and their ability to sprachen der lingo saved their bacon on this leg. Chickita Jr. recognizes her role on the team: keep the Mamacita from esplodin'. Their strategy to pick the furthest destination in the rotorhead challenge made little to no sense, but the ineptitude of their competitors meant that it didn't cost them much. I don't have a solid feel for how this team will do just yet, but I don't hate them, so that's something. Plus, their editing was fairly good, so we either have a major mother-daughter blow-up coming (almost inevitable, don't you think?) or they'll fade away. I guess what I'm saying is that Liz shouldn't make any big plans for the pool money, which I'm sure she means to pay at some point. Really.

Ho-Jo: Don't like 'em. Jo and I were in total agreement when we stared at Ho at the airport. "Seriously," we both asked, "are you going to cry about not getting on the first flight?" She doesn't strike me as a terribly nice person, which, granted, is not a requirement for the race (hello Jonathan and Victoria!), but if you're going to give yourself a cutesy nickname and emblazon it across your chest, and then turn around and bash the hippies for not doing so drugs today, which somehow explains how they managed to get to their car before you did, well, I can call you a beyotch. Really. It's in my contract. Look it up.

Team Gay: I'm kinda sad to see these guys go right off the bat. They gave us some great moments. The genie thing was pure genious (genie...genious...get it?), although it apparently wasn't enough to change the course of history. I blame the sound effects for that. Anyway, they also made me giggle at how they packed - could they have hauled around any more crap? Only the cougars were packing more than they were, and that's something. They introduced us to the fear closet, and gave the producers an excuse to zoom in on their hand-holding at the pit stop. And when they were lost, they still strode confidently ... in some direction. Unfortunately, it was in the direction of the sunset. Adios, boys! Once Leah had picked your name, you didn't stand a chance...